One thing that has been made very clear recently is that coaches must be aware of their own biases to be able to fully accept a client and coach them effectively. Our own biases filter what we hear and can change (in our minds) the meaning of what the client says.
For example, if a coach has an unacknowledged bias against high-level executives, thinking that they are only out for themselves, when that coach's executive client talks about how to move their organization forward, the coach may hear that as "How do I increase my own chances of promotion?". Biases cause us to hear what we expect to hear, not necessarily what is actually said.
So to ensure true partnership and unconditional caring, coaches must become aware of our hidden biases. One way is to list out what makes us angry or frustrated with people, or causes us to label people ("lazy people", "people who don't like change", "slow talkers", etc.). When you see the picture to the right, what labels come up for you? These are a good clue to what biases we hold.
Then when a client exhibits something that touches our bias, we are aware of being triggered and can make a conscious decision to suspend that bias while with the client. In the previous example of the executive, the coach could say to themselves "Wow, my first reaction is that they're trying to get a promotion, and that's not necessarily true. I wonder what's really behind that request? Maybe I'll learn something new about her!"
However, it isn't easy to be honest with ourselves to root out our own biases. We can be remarkably blind to our own imperfections. One technique that might help is looking at our own shadow as our biases are often tied to our own shadow. Don't know what your shadow self might represent?
One way is to look at your values. Your shadow often shows up as the opposite of your values. For example, say the coach in our example above values Flexibility, Achievement and Altruism. The opposites of those might be:
It's very likely that they have biases against 'rigid thinkers', 'lazy people' and 'people who are out for themselves'. When that coach's clients say something that triggers a judgment, the coach can quickly acknowledge to themselves the trigger and bias, and can choose to be a more objective listener in the moment.
This reflection can be difficult work, as we are examining a side of ourselves that we don't particularly like. However, it is worth the time and effort to reflect on our shadow and how that affects our biases, in order to become a more accepting and certainly a more objective coach.
I'm interested to hear how other coaches have approached this. As a coach and/or a leader, how have you increased awareness of your own biases that filter what you hear? How do you handle it when you are triggered by a bias?
The more work we do on this, the clearer our listening and more effective our coaching becomes.